I’ve always been cut and dry about my feelings about married people having affairs. If infidelity is a major violation of a couples’ marital rules, then cheating is wrong and the blame is placed solely on the cheater. Notice I said “if infidelity is a violation”. Although many people take a wedding vow before God, friends, and family to be true and faithful to their spouse, life may sometimes causes a couple to alter that promise…create an “arrangement” if you will. Whether agreed to verbally or by implicit action, the new infidelity rule can be anything or everything from (a)being discreet and/or (b)coming home every night and/or (c) not bringing a disease to your spouse and/or (d) avoiding pregnancy.
That’s not to say that either or both parties are ecstatic and content, it just that they’ve decided that this situation currently works best for them. Ladies, for me a single woman sleeping with a married man is very wrong a PERSONAL level. I also feel that a woman staying with a man who repeatedly cheats on her is wrong on a PERSONAL level. (Please feel free to substitute the opposite sex in the above statements).
Enter the Real Housewives of Atlanta and the Kim/Big Poppa drama. I like most people was shocked to find out that Big Poppa was married after seeing the gifts he lavished on Kim. After season one ended, the relationship was supposed to be over, no doubt, since RHOA was a huge hit and his wife had to either see the series herself, hear about it from friends, or just log on to the internet. Rumor has it that during this time, Big Poppa and his wife got the hell out of Atlanta with quickness.
Then season two takes off and we see Kim back with Big Poppa again and she ends up with a BIG AZZ diamond engagement ring. A couple of weeks later, during the reunion show, Kim says the relationship is over, however, Big Poppa shows up during the taping and plants a big kiss on Kim off-screen. Kim then admits she is still in love with Big Poppa. After being questioned about being involved with a married man, Kim explains that Big Poppa is in Atlanta while his wife is in California, and during their relationship he would spends 4 – 5 nights a week with her, and she still hopes that he will get divorced so they can get married. (Other sources also claim that Kim stated that she and Big Poppa had been in a relationship for more than 4 years.) Finally this past week, Kim is spotted with a BIG AZZ diamond band that matches the engagement ring. Whew!!!
Can we really be mad at Kim when it seems that Big Poppa and his wife have some kind of an “arrangement”?
The wife definitely knows (which eliminates what is normally is the biggest problem in situations like these– a wife completely in the dark). Maybe she still loves him, maybe she loves the lifestyle, maybe after everything she’s been thru she determined to stay his wife, maybe it is because of her religious beliefs…for whatever reason(s) she’s decided to stay married even though he has had a long-time public relationship with Kim.
Big Poppa is simply refusing to pick between the two. Granted he is out buying Escalades and gigantic diamond rings for Kim on national television, but like many men, he simply can not be the one to finally end the relationship. Maybe it’s because he loves both women. (Ladies please realize that a man can love two women at a time. The problem is that his definition of love may not be the same as either of the women.) Maybe it’s because he doesn’t want to lose millions in the divorce. Maybe it’s because he truly doesn’t believe in divorce. Maybe it’s because his ego doesn’t want to see Kim go on to the next Mr. BigMoneyBags.
And then there is Kim who has admitted she is a young fool in love, however, it is her choice to continue to see a man who is not divorced. People overwhelmingly deride Kim in this situation, but how can she bear more responsibility than the actual married couple? Again, if it seems they have an “arrangement” can you really fault her?
I have no idea how this situation will end (or continue to unfold), but what is true for them is true for everybody. It is a choice to stay in a relationship. If a problem arises, you can either leave the relationship or negotiate new terms for the relationship or stay in the relationship as is. However, if you stay, you are acknowledging and accepting that the previous (or a similar) problem can resurface…that’s the rub.