It’s funny, for the longest time, I could not understand the appeal of the “listen to your girlfriends and you’ll end up single like them” male.
Then I had conversation with a girlfriend of mine (sorry guys, when I say girlfriend I mean a friend who is female, not a female I am having sex with). We were discussing a past situation where I was the dreaded friend who had the nerve to give advice to my friend, who I’ll call Theresa. Theresa’s boyfriend rearranged their plans without notifying her and basically stood her up for an semi-important event. My response was “WTH? He couldn’t even let you know he was changing plans and going without you?”. Well after she told him about my comments, she (happily) relayed to me his message that I was a dumb azz, blah, blah, blah.
Theresa now says that he was a waste of time and that his “taking friends advice leads to singledom” attitude was actually valid because she was so persuadable at the time that she could have easily substituted my opinions/judgment for her own and made decisions based on what I believed. I love her to death, but she did not want to admit what we all know to be true, people do exactly what they want to do. In fact, when Theresa gives me advice about my situations, she prefaces her opinion by saying, “I know you are going to ignore me and do what you want to, but I am going to say this anyway!”
When trying to figure out what to do about a relationship, most women take into consideration various aspects including their past, state of current relationship, intuition, current feelings, and knowledge of love and relationships in general, don’t they? Or is it just me? Maybe it IS just me. Because my incredibly accurate bullsh*t detector and explosive temper, I’ve never had a significant other come at me that way. I go from 0 to 60 so quickly (think Firestarter or Carrie) that he doesn’t have time to try reverse psychology or a “Jedi mind trick”.
Having the tendency to look at the world from my own perspective, it seems unbelievable that a man would assume that his girlfriend/fiancee/wife would make a decision on their relationship SOLELY based on someone else opinion. Additionally, I would feel incredibly insulted by a man who felt I possessed such poor reasoning/analytical skills that he viewed me as weak-minded and spineless.
There are a couple of reasons why the aforementioned mindset is so popular:
The gf/wife can use the friend’s comment as a shield to talk about a difficult/painful situation(s). When her SO gets upset, he will avoid answering questions by being extremely derogatory towards her friend. After hearing that her girlfriend is jealous, lonely, stupid, etc., the gf/wife feels better about herself and her SO is relieved that stroking his girl’s ego has gotten him out of a/another sticky situation.
Honestly, I’d have more respect for old girl if she just said “Even though he did XYZ, I love his dirty drawers and I just can’t help myself!” Own it girl! I constantly remind my girlfriends that there is a huge upside to being truthful with yourself. The more you are willing to take responsibility for making grown azz decisions, the less resentment and regret you will feel, if things eventually end.