Many medical professionals are extremely politically correct with their comments regarding the Tiger Woods’ scandal. As I mentioned in a previous post, “Tiger Woods: Sex Addict or Hot-Blooded Male?” some doctors are implying that Tiger has a sexual addiction. While many people were surprised that this superstar, married athlete with a clean cut, “All-American” (and geeky) image would be involved with numerous salacious affairs, theorizing that he has a mental defect is the easy, safe way to go. Thankfully, Dr. John Gray of “Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus” fame is refreshingly honest and caringly blunt.
Dr. Gray breaks down the answer to the question asked 7.5 million times in the last 4 weeks: Why would Tiger cheat on his beautiful wife? (Side note: while I think his wife is nice looking, personally, I don’t really see her as incredibly beautiful. Wondering if the outrage is in part “this black man, who we consider one of us, repeatedly cheated on his blond haired, blue-eyed, European prize.)
In his Huffingtonpost.com column, Dr. Gray explains that when the pull of attraction fades, other aspects of the relationship will sustain the partnership. He states that “attraction, passion, respect, and trust are the four cornerstones of commitment. These traits are tested through time. They ebb and flow as we grow and mature. But if they stay in place during the stormy times, the marriage will last.” He goes on to say that even if a committed person notices that someone else is attractive, that person will not stray if they are happy and secure in a healthy relationship (keyword is HEALTHY).
In a Tango.com video clip (below), Dr. Gray makes great four points:
“Attraction goes beyond beauty” Of course, physical looks are important, however, there needs to be a deeper level of connection to allow the relationship to survive and grow. As some modern words of wisdom go: show me a beautiful woman, and I will show you a guy that’s tired of f*cking her!
“Having regular sex is the key” Regular sexual activity in a healthy relationship creates an incredibly strong bond. A woman should not be forced or guilted into taking part in any sexual activities in which she does not want to participate. (I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT RAPE; I’m talking about regular relationship pressures.) However, women need to realize that rationing sex is an absolute deal breaker to most men, i.e. he will feel he has a right to go outside the relationship to find satisfaction. If a situation is so bad that you can not engage in regular sex, you need to seriously consider ending the relationship or taking a break.
“Successful men have more libido” According to Dr. Gray, “historically, it shows that the more successful a man is, the higher is libido. Because all that success stimulates testosterone. And those testosterone levels means he wants sex, he needs sex, he wants sex, and clearly he wasn’t getting sex at home.” I would just add “enough”…he wasn’t getting enough sex at home.
“She needs to have an orgasm most of the time” Not only does the male have to be satisfied, it is paramount that the female is sexually satisfied as well in order to develop a deeper intimacy and closeness, which strengthens and maintains a relationship. Men must realize that a woman’s feelings about sex are strongly tied to how she is treated in the non-sexual part of the marriage. So fellas, remember ATTENTION, AFFECTION, and APPRECIATION.
The bottom line is this: men can be faithful in marriages. The man must be committed to his partner, she has to be the right partner for him, and the relationship must be healthy (i.e. the blog post you just read!
Dr. John Gray on Tango.com: